If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
