would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
