I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
