also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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