I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
