Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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