Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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