Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
