Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
