I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
