At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
