i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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