to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
