it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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