once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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