eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
