I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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