Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
