real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
