Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
