Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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