the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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