shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
