NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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