So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
