put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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