I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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