Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
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