If i come over, it means nothing
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
