There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
