i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just invented taco cereal.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Come on in and take your pants off
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