I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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