my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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