you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
