put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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