It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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