Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have post one night stand depression
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