I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
