yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
