if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
