So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
