her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
