i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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