I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
