I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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