Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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