dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
