omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
