I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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