Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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