I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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