Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You are a genius and a whore.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
