i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
