Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
