who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
