and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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