I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
