One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
