I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
