u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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