your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
