I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is the high leading the old right now
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
